[Wednesday]

I’ve remained close with an old high school boyfriend I’ll call Luke. He got married a few years after I did, and we talked less often as she wasn’t entirely comfortable with our friendship. Earlier this year, his wife died suddenly after a short illness. I’ve reached out a few times, but it feels like he’s withdrawn from everyone. I don’t know how I can support him except to let him know I care.

Can anything actually help a person reeling from such a loss?

[Ali]

With a sudden death, especially at that age, he's going through a pretty profound and painful loss and it isn't uncommon for people to withdraw from others. For a lot of different reasons.

The most you can do is keep trying. Keep checking in, and even preface it with something like, "No need to respond, just know that I'm thinking about you right now." I've sent texts like that myself, even to very close friends, on the day of or day after a loss... only because I wanted them to know I was holding them in my heart, but you're SO overwhelmed with things when faced with that kind of loss. I didn't want them to feel pressured to respond to yet "another" condolence, you know?

People always remember those who reached out to them, even if they don't ever respond back to you. Mostly, it's just patience, and keeping in touch. Eventually, he'll be ready to talk. But you're doing something important, even just being there for him in silence until he's ready.

[Wednesday]

I hope so. He’s going through what’s actually my worst nightmare. Which, now that I think about it, might be why I’m so focused on it.

[Ali]

I hope so. He’s going through what’s actually my worst nightmare. Which, now that I think about it, might be why I’m so focused on it.

I can totally understand that. It's a sobering reminder of how quickly something like that could happen to any one of us. It is a worst nightmare, for sure. I can't even imagine. :/

[Weighty]

I've had this happen to me quite often -- whether with significant others, friends or ex-clients.

While they are going through their grief or turmoil, they completely withdraw, disappear, and sometimes I never hear from them again, and it saddens me greatly.

I can definitely understand that -- when my father passed, I wrote a textmessage to most people I knew letting them know the sad news, and asking them NOT to reach out to me, or ask how I was doing, cause I wasn't going to be doing good -- and we didn't need to talk about it at all.

I try to keep that in mind whenever a situation like this happens or comes about, because while it is never personal, it can start to feel that way if it festers and if there's a lot of history there.

[Sadie Mae]

Thanks. That's apt. Somebody we both know made comment of women "chasing him now that he's free" as if anyone would be doing that at this time. I just hope I hear more from him aside from random lyrics and vageubooking.

[Weighty]

Sadie Mae Has there been any update on the situation?