[Ali]

If you've ever felt like you're carrying the weight of loneliness and depression, you're far from alone. These emotions are more common than we often realize, and they can deeply affect our mental and physical well-being.

One Roots of Loneliness author offers a compassionate and insightful exploration into how loneliness intertwines with depression, shedding light on their complex relationship and providing guidance on how to navigate these challenges

It's a valuable read for anyone seeking to understand and address the profound effects of loneliness and depression: https://www.rootsofloneliness.com/loneliness-depression

What’s your experience with loneliness and depression? Do you find these emotions are often linked for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and start a conversation about how we can support each other through these struggles.

[Jane]

Good morning,

New to this forum so please forgive my ignorance.

My husband of 36 years of marriage passed away six years ago last month. Love and support from family and friends helped me through the initial phase of grief.

I recently retired, RN for 43 years, and find myself somewhat lost in who I am. There is a fine line between solidarity and loneliness, I believe, and my loneliness is suddenly bubbling to the surface.

Reaching out to widows who have been through the same struggles and asking how you moved forward.

Warm regards- Jane

[SummerDay]

Hi Jane. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I was a young widow (early 20s) so my experience might be different in some ways since we didn't have so many years together, but I'll share it nonetheless:

I recognize that same feeling of being “untethered”, like you don't know who you are or who you're supposed to be without your spouse. At first, I leaned heavily on family and friends, like you did. But over time I had to learn how to know myself again, by myself. It wasn’t quick, and it certainly wasn’t linear. Sometimes it was about filling the quiet with hobbies or reading/tv/whatever, and sometimes it was about discovering parts of myself I didn’t realize were there. I journaled for quite a while, and some of those entries were letters to him. I had some anger issues to deal with over the loss and the letter writing seemed to help with those feelings.

I found that loneliness became more manageable when I was able to frame solitude as “time with myself” instead of “time without him.” It’s still hard, even now, and I'm still single by choice, but over the years I’ve built a life that has meaning and joy. Although I do still struggle with loneliness. I'm torn because I love the idea of having a mate or partner, but... hmm. The truth is I think I'm too afraid of losing them.

I never joined any support groups back then, although I know they help some people. And that might be an option for you if you think talking with others in person might help you to work through that, and even make in-town friends who have been there too. I don't know about your circle of friends/family, but mine at the time... most had not dealt with any kind of loss like that. So they could sympathize, but not empathize. Not really.

[Weighty]

Hello Jane Thanks for joining us here and welcome!

I am not in your situation directly, but my mother was recently widowed when my dad died.

Up to that point, she had always lived her life dependent on him or those around her for companionship, direction and purpose.

Now that she is "alone," she is deeply feeling the loneliness, and I have had many conversations with her about navigating this.

It's the first time in her life that she's had to confront her place in the world, and I ask her all the time what it is that SHE wants to do?

She tells me that she's never even thought about it and has no idea.

That loss of purpose, meaning, companionship, and measuring your days, weeks, and years through the lens of family, activities, and knowing that person is there is really affecting her.

I can't offer wisdom directly, however, I know how that loss feels (I did lose a father and soulmate), and I know that navigating the loneliness through new meaning and purpose and rediscovering what matters most to you will help steer a path towards finding peace and belonging.

As SummerDay mentions, there are great ways to cope and find new meaning, and I would take that advice in the way that feels most healing for you.

[Ali]

I can't relate on a personal level (married 24 years), but my dad passed away a decade ago and I helped my mom to navigate that loss, alongside my brother (at least until he passed a few months later). What helped my mom, I think, was having things to do: going to her club meetings, taking my grandma places and running errands for her, spending time with friends, and trying to stay active in what she could.

About a year into the pandemic, she moved in with me and my family. I think it was helpful to have people around, but she's also in her 70s and I think living alone in a big house was getting to be too much. Like, the moment she moved in, you could just tell her whole... everything... just felt lighter. She has to put up with our loud family (LOL) but it's connection and activities, and having people close by that's made all the difference.

And I think that's true for anyone, regardless of living situation. Having people, spending time with them, spending time doing things that mean something or even just make you feel good for a while, it all matters.