[SummerDay]

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to get out of this post. Maybe I just need to say it somewhere, to people who might get it, even a little.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so alone. Not just the physical kind of alone, like when your phone stays silent all day, but that deeper kind where even when you’re surrounded by people, you still feel like no one sees you. Like you’re speaking a different language than they are and everyone around you is just nodding, but not really hearing a word you say.

I try to open up sometimes, but it either gets brushed off or turned into a joke. Or worse, I get advice I didn’t ask for, like "just go out more" or "try to be more positive." I know they probably mean well, but it only makes me feel more disconnected. Like I’m being told my feelings aren’t valid, or that I’m doing something wrong by feeling this way.

It’s exhausting. Pretending to be okay so I don’t make others uncomfortable. Laughing at the right times. Saying “I’m fine” because it’s easier than explaining a kind of emptiness that even I don’t fully understand.

I’m not looking for pity. I guess I just wanted to say this out loud. Maybe someone out there feels the same. And if you do, I hope you know you’re not the only one.

Thanks for reading.

[Gin]

Thank you for saying all of this out loud. You're not alone in feeling the way you do, even if it seems like you are.

It’s so hard when people respond with advice or humor instead of just sitting with you in what you’re feeling. Sometimes it’s not about finding the “right” words. It’s about being seen and accepted exactly as you are in that moment. And it sounds like you’ve been carrying that need for a while.

And maybe it comes down to connecting with other people who feel the same. Like those are the ones who will actually get it.

You’re not doing anything wrong. And you aren't broken or dramatic or weak. There are more of us out here than it probably seems, quietly nodding along, also pretending, but also tired of pretending.

I see you.

[Wednesday]

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to get out of this post. Maybe I just need to say it somewhere, to people who might get it, even a little.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so alone. Not just the physical kind of alone, like when your phone stays silent all day, but that deeper kind where even when you’re surrounded by people, you still feel like no one sees you. Like you’re speaking a different language than they are and everyone around you is just nodding, but not really hearing a word you say.

I try to open up sometimes, but it either gets brushed off or turned into a joke. Or worse, I get advice I didn’t ask for, like "just go out more" or "try to be more positive." I know they probably mean well, but it only makes me feel more disconnected. Like I’m being told my feelings aren’t valid, or that I’m doing something wrong by feeling this way.

It’s exhausting. Pretending to be okay so I don’t make others uncomfortable. Laughing at the right times. Saying “I’m fine” because it’s easier than explaining a kind of emptiness that even I don’t fully understand.

I’m not looking for pity. I guess I just wanted to say this out loud. Maybe someone out there feels the same. And if you do, I hope you know you’re not the only one.

Thanks for reading.

It’s really good (and brave as hell) that you’re saying all this. I think the more challenging the world gets, the harder it is to stay connected to others in a meaningful way. If you’re looking for ways to form lasting connections or new friendships, this is a good place to start. Social media can be good for this, but there’s a wide variance between apps and there are always down sides.

if you don’t mind my asking, do you think your feelings might be related to clinical depression? It’s common for long term loneliness to present the same way. Might be good to consider a zoom appointment. Wishing you the best of luck with this.

[SummerDay]

I do find it hard to form and maintain meaningful relationships, and maybe I'll even find some here with time. That's my hope, anyway.

I also appreciate your gentle suggestion about depression. It’s something I’ve been reflecting on, and you might be right that there’s more going on beneath the surface. I hadn’t fully considered the connection before. I live on my own, which I prefer, but I've definitely become more of a hermit these days I think. I don't feel sad most of the time, at least I don't think I am. I am down about certain aspects of my social life though and I wonder if that isn't something more. Maybe therapy is somethign to think about after all. I've never tried it or felt like I needed it, but then a lot of times people don't realize when they actually do.

Thanks again for your honesty and compassion. It really means a lot.

[Weighty]

When personality clashes with perceptions of what you should be and do, and loneliness, it can be super confusing and cause some internal guilt as well.

For myself for instance, I really enjoy a LOT of solitued and alone time -- so much so that I would PREFER to be alone or go for a hike or do a solo pursuit most of the time rather than attend family gatherings, events and so on.

In fact, I am sorta glad that I DON'T live close to family and extended family! I could not imagine being invited to countless gatherings, easter this, birthday that, graduation so forth and having to try and find polite ways of declining! LOL...

I know that's "weird" or rare, but I think as an introvert, I can relate to being more of a hermit and not wanting the small talk of social settings -- even with "family" or friends unless it is small and intimate and meaningful.

So, if you honestly feel that you are sad or depressed and WANT that interaction, please do get some help and think about it through that lense, but also open to the possibility that sometimes, we're built different -- and there is no right or wrong way to be, feel or see the world or loneliness.

[Wednesday]

One of the things I notice is that some dating sites also cater to people who are just seeking friendship. Ok Cupid, Feeld, and I’m sure others let you tell other users that you’re just looking to meet new people. Getting out of your comfort zone and into your community may help you meet like-minded folks. Political rallies, church events, volunteer opportunities—all good places to meet people you might have things in common with.

Where I live, there’s a cat shelter where you can make an appointment to pet the kittens. I’m not gonna say it’s treatment for depression, but it can certainly get your serotonin flowing.

[SummerDay]

I like the idea of volunteering at a local pet shelter. I'm more of a dog person but I know there are local Angels for Animals and the like, that are always looking for volunteers. Even if I don't make friends I still get to be around dogs. I'd get one, but there are no pets allowed where I live. Sometimes I feel like I need to do something that'll give me more of a sense of fulfillment... maybe that's the root of things. I never really thought about it like that before.

[Wednesday]

You’re probably into something there. I know when I’m depressed, I try to look for ways I can help someone else out. Donating groceries, checking in on a friend, taking time to read or edit for another writer—just some way to feel valuable.

logically, I believe all human have inherent value. Emotionally, I often forget to apply that to myself. Maybe you’re engaging in similar thinking.

[Weighty]

Bumble also had a feature called "Bumble BFF" where they allowed you to use your profile or create a new one, just for finding friends, and business contacts.

What sometimes helps me out is if I reach out to friends or those I haven't seen or interacted with in a long time -- preferably locally, but a phone call also helps too.

Just grabbing dinner, catching up, or sharing how we've all been doing goes a long way to easing loneliness and when you do get that craving to interact with someone -- whether near or far.

I have also volunteered at a food bank, which was pretty cool -- especially not knowing anyone there, and yet by the end of the day, we're all on the same "team" so to speak, and working towards a common goal of feeding those in need, and everyone worked super hard, and it was actually such a joy and very meaningful and fulfilling.

[Wednesday]

That's awesome. I've used food banks in the past and can say that the kindness of those staffers means more than I think they know.

[SummerDay]

You’re probably into something there. I know when I’m depressed, I try to look for ways I can help someone else out. Donating groceries, checking in on a friend, taking time to read or edit for another writer—just some way to feel valuable.

logically, I believe all human have inherent value. Emotionally, I often forget to apply that to myself. Maybe you’re engaging in similar thinking.

I think I am, yeah. With my work, sometimes I feel like it's meaningless when there are so many other things I could be doing that might have a bigger impact on others. Like I should be doing more for humanity as a whole, instead of sitting at a desk all day. Maybe that's where I'm struggling with a lack of connection with other people. I'm living my life and doing my job and keeping myself supported well enough, but not doing anything for the greater good.

I love the idea of getting involved in food banks or local shelters and there are a couple downtown that I think I'm going to reach out to for volunteer work.