[Ali]

...even if you know it was the right choice.

One of our authors shared her own experience and some pretty solid advice on how to cope with that gut-wrenching loneliness — like staying off social media and giving yourself the space to actually feel your feelings.

If you’ve been through this, it might really hit home.

Here’s the link: https://www.rootsofloneliness.com/lonely-after-breakup

Has anyone else been there? How did you deal with loneliness after your breakup?

[Weighty]

I've felt this for sure!

Even when you know it's the right choice -- if for no other reason than the ritual of being together is missed, including the comfort and intimacy.

Sure, logically and even emotionally, it makes sense that things ended for good reasons, but that doesn't mean it's a happy time even if it was an amicable breakup.

When I had a really tough breakup with an ex that I really loved, I simply surrounded myself with some friends, and different activities to keep my mind busy.

But what sucked for me often was people asking too many **** questions!

"Where's X?"

"Are you guys not together?"

"What happened?"

That was worse -- it was almost like the walk of shame.

People saw you as 1 person (2 people joined together at the hip) and when you appear suddenly alone and without that person, folks don't know what to do with themselves.

So the loneliness was one thing, the explanations and dialogue was quite another.

[SummerDay]

Oh definitely, having to answer all the "what happened" questions really sucks. Honestly I think that's even worse than the breakup because if you do decide to talk about it, you've got rehash it all over and over again.

That said, sometimes it does help to get over it faster too. Like, the more you talk about it, the more you release those feelings or even confirm the reasons behind the breakup.

I've always been the one doing the breaking-up. People think that's somehow easier but I assure you it is not. It makes me sound like a ***** probably but I know myself, I know what I need or don't. And if I'm not getting it or don't somehow see a benefit in sticking around, I'll break it off without looking back.

But that isn't easy, either. I never liked letting people down but...

And then that makes it hard to talk about the breakup too because you don't want to paint the other person in a bad light unless they really deserve it.

[Ali]

It's been a very long time since I had any breakups (25+ years at this point) but I well remember what it was like. I struggle with them even on behalf of other people. Especially when my daughters/immediate family or friends are going through them. It's like I remember what it was like and wish I could somehow make it better.

When I had gone through them, it was long before social media, so mostly I'd just stew at home or get myself involved with something that'd take my mind off of it. Hobbies, reading, rage-cleaning... usually the rage-cleaning. It was a way to expel the energy, the feelings, and then end up with a clean house afterward. Turning something negative in a positive, basically. LOL!

But I get the not wanting to talk badly about people, for sure. I used to wonder what words were said about me after the fallout. Not that it matters, really, but I guess I kind of treated it like karma. If I didn't ****-talk someone, they might not do it to me?