[nero8772]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 3 years and the first 2 were great. The issue now is that we haven't been intimate in a year. He says the mental health medication he's on has decreased his sexual needs. We went on a cruise in March and we didn't have sex like he promised. He makes promises that we'll try and do something but it never happens. I love him but I'm at the point where I want to step outside of the relationship just to get my need met. I believe in loyalty and being faithful but at the same time I'm starting to resent him a bit. I need help with this please 🥺.

[Wednesday]

That’s a tough one, even as it’s something a lot of couples struggle with. If erectile dysfunction is an issue for him, that alone might be the reason he doesn’t want to. If he feels pressured, that might exacerbate.

Is opening your marriage a viable option? Some folks also find that snuggling during masturbation (self or mutual) is a good substitute for intercourse. Because you’re feeling resentful (reasonable under the circumstances) it’s probably best to talk honestly with him about that ASAP. I suggest bringing it up during daylight hours and outside the bedroom.

[Weighty]

nero8772 Welcome to the forums!

Thanks for sharing what you are experiencing -- there are lots of folks who deal with this all the time, whether related to medication, lack of interest, changing life circumstances, hormones, or a whole host of other reasons.

It's always best to talk about it...

If you are loyal, then show that by talking about it BEFORE you give into the urges and trying to find something outside your relationship. You also never know, sometimes the path towards healing can be found through brutal and sometimes uncomfortable honesty -- it might open up some channels of vulnerability and communication that bring some spark and life back into things.

If your partner loves you, then I bet they'll be open to helping come up with a solution that everyone can be ok with - whether that involves trying new medications, opening up the relationship, etc.

Let us know how things progress.

[SummerDay]

Mental health meds (SSRI, SNRIs, and the like) are notorious for obliterating libido. I think it's important to talk with him and share your feelings about the lack of sex and intimacy, but not from a perspective of blaming or shaming. I get the feeling he's wary of starting anything out of fear of not being able to perform in the end.

Those meds are no joke in that department. But at the same time, switching meds may not be a possibility (if what he's on is working, changing them can potentially change that, but additionally, those types of meds generally all have that same kind of effect). There may be things he can take in addition to them (viagra, or similar) if it's medically safe for him?

If he's unable to be intimate through sex, he might be open to being intimate with you in other ways: performing oral, bringing toys into the bedroom (and using those on you), and things like that.

But it all starts with an open conversation, for sure. And like Wednesday mentioned, having the conversation outside the bedroom.

[Gin]

I’d talk to him about it. I’ve been on SNRIs (and am even now) and I can attest to the fact that they lower libido. A lot. There might be something he can take in conjunction with his meds, since changing the actual med might not be possible.