[Weighty]

This has happened to me in the past, and it's not just painful, but also confusing.

The first time it happened, I was around 21 years old and had started a business with a friend. He stole from the company (just a few hundred dollars, but still, it was the loss of trust that really stung!), and we never spoke again after that, except for one time we went out for dinner to reconnect.

The second time, I loaned another friend a few thousand dollars, and he never paid it back or even mentioned repaying it after we had discussed it.

After a few years, he called to come and visit me. After thinking, I realized I did not want him to visit me if he hadn't even paid me back or talked about it -- what sort of message does that send his children and family (it's ok to borrow money, and then take vacations before paying anyone back).

I had outlined to him that if he had just paid me $50 per month for 10 years, he would have paid me back and I was never going to charge him interest...

Anyway, we never spoke again, and he was one of my best childhood friends.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? How do you feel about this?

I felt betrayed and more so confused -- because morally and through my own integrity, I would never consider not paying a friend back what I owed them? The thought that some would just gloss over it and never even talk about it just really stings...

[SummerDay]

People sometimes avoid conversations about money out of shame or immaturity, but that doesn’t make the silence hurt any less. And it definitely doesn’t mean you were wrong to expect honesty and accountability. If money is borrowed and it's a known loan (not just a gift), repayment is part of it.

I think it can be hard for the borrower to talk about that, whether it's shame or immaturity (or both!). But too, there's a sense of obligation I think... like you're somehow beholden to the person you borrow money from (which you ARE, to pay it back obviously) and that creates a strange power dynamic that it sounds like that guy chose to avoid rather than face head-on.

I mean, not everyone is able to. Again, shame or immaturity... sometimes it's easier for people to just avoid/ignore than handling it like adults, I guess.

[Weighty]

Sure, we all have "good" reasons for bad behavior - whether that's to protect us from pain, embarrassment, shame, or just stall and delay a hard decision.

Every action and decision we make has a purpose, whether it is positive or negative (well at the time, they are all "positive" even procrastination serves a purpose at times...).

I borrowed money from 2 friends and my brother over time for various things, and always paid them back.

In fact one of my friends would simply NOT let me pay him back! LOL...

He was such an *** about it -- he said it was a gift and not to worry about paying him back.

I was not having any of that!

So I had to get super creative cause he wouldn't cash my checks or take my money -- so one Christmas I bought him a really high-value Apple gift card, so he had no choice but to use it!

I did appreciate him wanting to help me and not expect anything back in return, but that's just not how I roll, and did not align with my integrity of the situation of seeing it as a loan, and not ever wanting to feel like I "owed" him anything.