[SummerDay]

I feel like I suck at this kind of thing. You know those family get-togethers, weddings, work parties, or random “everyone’s invited” events where you walk in and immediately realize… you don’t really have much to say to half the people there because you have no idea who they are?

I always find myself wondering:

• Do I stick to the few people I actually know well?
• Do I force small talk with strangers or distant relatives?
• Or do I just hang out by the food table until I've been there long enough to have "made an appearance" and I can leave?

Sometimes I leave feeling like I did okay, and sometimes I leave thinking, “Welp… that was awkward.”

So, how do you handle it? Do you have go-to conversation starters? Do you make an early exit? Or are you one of those magical people who can talk to anyone about anything? (And if so, how... because I'd love to be one of those people.)

[Ali]

It really depends on the event, but one thing I've kind of reminded myself about over time is that a LOT of people feel similarly as far as feeling awkward, not sure who to talk to, etc. in those kinds of situations. I've actually started making a point of looking for those people, specifically, and striking up a conversation with them.

In that way, you're actually helping them to navigate a social situation like that, while also helping yourself, if that makes sense?

So I might start by visiting with the folks I know, and then look around for people who don't seem to know anyone or are hanging awkwardly by themselves, and get to know them. Easy ice breakers with them are saying things like "I always find these kinds of gatherings a little intimidating, don't you?" or "Do you mind if I sit here for a bit? Maybe we can turn this into the cool kids' table." and lead that into casual small talk (who do you know, I'm Alison btw, what do you think about XYZ, have you binged any good shows lately, have you seen XYZ, etc.)

At gatherings where everyone seems to know everyone else but me, I try to hang near-ish to folks I know well and for the most part, at least with my friends and stuff, their friends are also very... open as far as bringing you into the conversation or making sure you feel included.

Honestly, I kinda feel like a lot of adults know and remember all too well how it felt to be the oddball... and doing what they can to make sure no one feels left out like that.

[SummerDay]

Oh that's a good idea lol. I never thought about it like that, thank you! I've been to plenty of social events and there's always at least a few people who look uncomfortable or are hanging alone off to the side somewhere. I never thought about approaching them specifically!

I'm not great at small talk but if they aren't either, it takes the pressure off I think and we can be awkward together until it doesn't feel that way. And maybe even make a new friend in the process.

[Weighty]

Oh boy -- I hate this stuff.

As an introvert, I don't like these situations and not for the reasons people think -- I'm totally fine with public stuff, people, making conversations etc.

But as the saying goes: It's not that introverts don't like crowds, it's that they hate small talk.

And that fits me to a tee!

Even with family or people that I know and actually like, I can find the conversation dragging or seemingly making it difficult to find something in common, etc. So it can be REALLY draining and at the end of the night, I'm toasty and ready to get the heck out of there, even if I love those folks.

What seems to help is if I take breaks -- go outside, hang out by myself some, take LONG bathroom breaks, linger at the food table or eat a long dinner, etc.

I do always try and speak to the folks that are having a harder time than I am (you can always tell!), and I can totally empathize with them, but overall, this sort of thing is not one that jazzes me up, but rather drains me.

[SummerDay]

Yeah, I can relate to that. The small talk stuff is exhausting and I don't really feel like I'm all that good at it, either. Which makes everything feel more awkward than it already was, which makes it harder to find a small-talk subject, which makes it more awkward, and it's just a vicious circle lol.

I definitely feel tired after social events, more so than usual. It's a very noticable thing but I never knew if it was just from being around people in general or the energy it takes to socialize with them. Probably a little of both.

[Ali]

It's funny because I consider myself to be an extroverted introvert. Like, I can be social and extroverted (to the casual observer) but I get exhausted and worn down by the end of it (that's the introversion). I don't mind small talk as long as it leads to deeper conversation, though. If it's ALL small-talk and light surface-level stuff, that starts to feel awkward and honestly boring...

[Weighty]

This can really depend...there have been times and get-togethers where it's been energizing and felt great, but even when I am with an intimate group of friends and it feels really great, energizing and engaging, with no hint of it draining my energy, I STILL need the nights and mornings to myself for recharging.

This also happens with significant others -- especially the talkative ones! LOL...

They can go on...and on...and on...and talk about/to/with anything/anyone! And after a few hours, my head is spinning and I have to take a deep breath and be alone. I guess that's classic guy stuff, though.

So, this can be doubly difficult in a situation where you don't "know" anyone and are trying to network, fit in, or just make things less awkward for yourself and everything around you.