[Ali]

Post-divorce loneliness is something that no one really warns you about. One of our authors laid everything on the table and shared what it was like for her emotionally after everything was finalized, and how she slowly worked through the emptiness and rebuild her life.

I think it’s worth a read if you’ve gone through (or are going through) something similar.

Here’s the link: https://www.rootsofloneliness.com/lo...-after-divorce

Have you felt this way after a breakup or divorce? How did you handle it? Would love to hear how others have navigated that kind of quiet.

[Ginaz]

Loneliness after divorce. How could it possibly be worse than the complete loner I was WHILE I was married? Well it did. This is a crushing weight, an endless void..no one ever around. Quiet is actually welcome as opposed to even watching tv...just BE there in the dark. UNABLE now to successfully socially interact. Say ridiculous things, laugh as the wrong times, don't t look at anyone, go off alone scared to even try. I mean really woman..you are so weird that now you see all the wildlife in the area, and you're concerned about the squirrels that are Jaywalking with you. You know where the Black squirrel lives. And watch geese playing on the water rapids. Paralyzed by lack of interaction, sad from lack of human contact. Feel like I look desperate. Crying just happens. Sitting there talking and tears just stream out both eyes....like a river. Laugh and wipe away. So embarrassing. Pain of past is like robbing me of any desire to do anything at all. Doesn't work. Fail after fail after fail. Awesome. Alcohol..makes me tired and more miserable. No desire to eat. Journaling, emailing, dating apps, major fail. Awesome

[Ginaz]

Uh yeah. So it doesn't appear that I'm successfully navigating...whatsoever.

[Weighty]

Hello Ginaz -- Thanks for posting, and welcome to the forums.

I’ve never been through a divorce myself, so I don’t want to pretend I know exactly what you’re carrying. But what struck me about your post wasn’t weakness. It was exhaustion.

You describe someone lonely for a very long time, maybe even before the divorce, and now that the marriage is over there’s nothing left to distract from it. It’s just you and the silence.

The part that got me was when you said you know where the black squirrel lives and watch the geese playing in the rapids.

There’s something strangely beautiful and heartbreaking about that.

It sounds like you’ve become deeply connected to the world around you while feeling disconnected from the people in it.

And for what it’s worth, the crying doesn’t sound embarrassing to me. It sounds like grief. Not just grief for the marriage, but maybe for the years leading up to it, for the person you used to be, and for the future you thought you might have.

One thing I wonder is whether you’re being a little too hard on yourself when you say you’re “failing.” From what you wrote, you’ve tried journaling, emailing, dating apps, getting out of the house, talking to people. That doesn’t sound like someone who has given up. It sounds like someone who is trying very hard while carrying a tremendous amount of pain.

I’m curious about something. Before the marriage, or even during the better moments of it, was there a time in your life when connecting with people felt easier? What did that version of you look like?

And another question: when you’re sitting quietly watching the squirrels or the geese, do you feel lonely in those moments, or do you actually feel a little bit of peace?

Sometimes the answer to that second question tells us more than we expect.

I’m glad you posted. Even if you feel like you’re not navigating this successfully, you reached out. That’s not nothing. That’s how people start finding their way back. ❤️

[Ginaz]

Thankyou. Much luv. You're right on. Ginaz

[SummerDay]

Ginaz

I’m really sorry you’re in that place right now.

I haven’t been through divorce myself, so I don’t want to pretend I know exactly what that specific kind of ending feels like. But I have known people who went through it, and what you wrote sounds very familiar in that heartbreaking way.

A few of them said something similar, that the loneliness after wasn’t necessarily because the marriage had been happy, but because once it was over, there was suddenly nothing left standing between them and everything they had been surviving for years.

Like the quiet finally had room to echo, I guess.

And I don’t think you sound weird for noticing the squirrels or the geese. Honestly, that part made me smile a little, but not in a laughing-at-you way. More like…there is still some part of you that is paying attention to life, even while another part of you feels completely flattened by grief.

Knowing where the black squirrel lives is oddly beautiful to me. Maybe because it means you’re still connected to something, even if people feel impossible right now.

I also wonder if “failing” is too harsh a word for what’s happening. Journaling, emailing, dating apps, trying to talk, trying to be around people…those are all attempts. They may not be working yet, and maybe some of them are the wrong tools for right now, but they’re still signs that some part of you wants to come back to the world. That matters.

I’ve seen people after divorce seem almost socially bruised for a while.

Like every interaction takes too much coordination.

They laugh wrong, say something strange, cry at inconvenient times, avoid eye contact, then go home and replay the whole thing like evidence against themselves. But it wasn’t evidence that they were broken. It was more like their nervous system had been through too much and hadn’t caught up yet.

Maybe right now, dating apps are too much. Maybe “successfully socially interacting” is too big of a goal for this exact moment. Maybe the goal is something much smaller and less intimidating, like saying one normal sentence to a cashier, or sitting somewhere public for ten minutes, or walking near the geese and letting that count as being part of the world for the day.

Not glamorous, lol. But sometimes rebuilding is ridiculously unglamorous.

The tears don’t sound embarrassing to me either. I know they feel that way when they happen in front of people, but they sound like grief leaking out because it has nowhere else to go. And grief does not always ask permission or check whether the timing is socially convenient. Rude of it, honestly.

I’m glad you came back and replied, even briefly. “Much luv” is still connection. A small one maybe, but not nothing.

I hope you’ll keep posting here when you can. You don’t have to be navigating it well to belong in the conversation. Sometimes, “I’m not navigating this whatsoever” is the most honest beginning there is.